Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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