Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
