Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
