Where are you?
In a non slutty way
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fuck appropriateness.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
