Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
