if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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