I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize