she smelled like a LAN party
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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