hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
