Don't make out with my wife yet
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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