When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
