Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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