im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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