Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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