I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize