i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
