I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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