we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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