Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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