Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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