The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
