Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
two words: eviction party
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
