Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
