Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
