dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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