I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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