my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I look better un-naked...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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