fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
