I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my liver is dry heaving
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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