New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
