I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
