the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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