Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
