she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
