We won't sleep together?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
