Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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