My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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