Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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