The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
