I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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