your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
