There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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