we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
