oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
