I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
