I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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