After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
