wakey wakey hands off snakey
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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