i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
