the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
