Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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