honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
