Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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