just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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