dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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