I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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