My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
