I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
