I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
