I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Randomize
