i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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