Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
