I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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