just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
