i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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