This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
