The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
you never un-have a 4some
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
