I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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