If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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