u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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