If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
