He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Everything about him screamed your future.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize